Reclaiming Your Relationship
Has your relationship with your partner changed since you’ve had your baby? It probably has and not for the better. You used to have so much fun. What happened? Baby happened! And now you both are so tired. There’s no time to talk and definitely no time for sex. There doesn’t seem to be any time just for the two of you.
If you’re home all day with baby, you may feel resentful of your partner as he goes off to work and about his business. You get angry because your life has changed, and his life hasn’t really changed at all. You don’t want him to ask you what you did all day and you certainly don’t want to hear how tired he is. You miss your old life. Does this sound familiar? Then it’s time to reconnect and find the love again.
Your life is never going to be the same as it was before you had your baby, after all there were just the 2 of you and now there are the 3 of you. This isn’t a bad thing. It’s just different. Think back to when there were just the 2 of you and remember why you feel in love to begin with. Those qualities are still there. They’re just buried under sleepless nights and dirty diapers. Life after baby is different. It can still be fun and rewarding but you need to be realistic. Adjustments need to be made. This will take some serious conversations.
You need time for yourself and time together. Where things used to be spontaneous, they now need to be planned. You need to be realistic. It’s important for you and your relationship to have “me” time as well as “we” time. This is a conversation you need to have with your partner. He knows things have changed and may not be sure about what to say or do. Find a time to talk when you’re both calm. Have someone watch your baby for an hour and go for a walk and just talk about how you’re feeling and ask how he’s feeling too. You may find that you are thinking the same thing but haven’t know how to express it.
Schedule time when dad can have time alone with baby while you go have coffee with your girlfriends , get a mani-pedi or just go into another room and read. I had a client who would walk to my office with her husband and baby. She would nurse the baby and then hand him off to dad so she could get a massage and stop at Starbucks on her way home. This was a win/win situation. It gave her time alone and gave dad time with his baby. Perfect!
You should also plan time to spend together. If you have someone to watch your little one, schedule a date night once a week or once every other week. If not, then have a “sofa date” after the baby has gone to sleep. Take this time to talk, cuddle and maybe watch TV while eating take-out.
Know that with babies everything changes. It’s especially hard in the beginning but baby will eventually sleep through the night and you will establish a routine. Life will go on. Conversation is key. And remember, your partner isn’t a mind reader, so you do need to say what’s bothering you.
I hope this was helpful. Now I’d like to hear from you. What was the hardest thing about going from a couple to a family? What are some ways you connected with your partner? Please leave a comment below. Also, be sure to share this post with anyone you know who may be struggling with their relationship.